Your Sound

I can feel and sense your voice in its laughter. It makes me glad your around. You’re the most recent, the freshest, the most needed. I am accepted, however, never as I would like. I learn to cope after a time, learn that to be near you will suffice. Wishing you were more does none but taunt so I must move on before I dig myself yet another hole in the garden of my life. I teach myself to accept. I am getting used to your sound.

I left my room today for the spirit that is you. Just knowing that you will be waiting, as a friend, as an ally in this world that beats against its children. I like to know that you will defend me, I just wish there were other reasons why.

There are those who wish to corrupt me, and there are those who see me not, and then there are those that befriend me yet are only available to the rest it seems. Yes I know that I help not in these situations. I push away, or I assume that nothing will come. Truth is, my deepest fear is to be alone, and to cope I make it hard because I am afraid of being dropped. But in essence I am just setting myself up for staying alone on the table.

I have no graceful words today. I will lose my chance if I have not already and I will move on to another. While still holding you. Friends through eternity. Forever used to your sound. If I weren’t who I am the effect this would have on me would be easer to carry. For me being me means that I seem to use my imagination to play out goals, discussions and history. I alter it a million times over and use it to cope. Knowing just as well that it never will occur.

I’m cold in my life, I’m mad at myself. Forever an argument I am. Getting lost in a crowd is my trademark as I loose my tears on unsuspecting victims. Having a complete thought is harder and harder. Nothing is wrong yet everything too.

All of it is due to me.

I have no graceful words today, as I leave my room for none other than your soul.

Glad for your friendly defense.

Learning to accept.

I am getting used to your sound.

Too bad nobody lets me know they hear mine.