The Life of a Soul

There is nothing in existence and existence has nothing.

Suddenly there is awareness.

A soul, a single soul that is but a pin point of light that can only be seen if some the angle is just so.

The light is The Awareness and just below it a fraction, is a grotesque sensation of contortion.

It is twisted and distraught.

Other awareness's come and go but This Particular shuns away.

All of the awareness's are small dim lights, however the Single One takes the contortion with it, and falls behind in greater dimness, believing that It is even less of a light.

It holds Its own light in, from fear of it dissipating or even having it mercilessly taken away.

However, so much energy is used in self preservation that It is weakening Itself in the process, helping the light to grow dreadfully dim.

There is a great and wonderous light that has the ability of transposing part of itself over to the small awareness's if they but come close enough to gather it and recharge form it.

The Single Awareness stands back, waiting to gather courage to come close to the blinding countenance of the large giver.

However, energy is constantly being used.

Bits and pieces are exposed and removed.

Twisting feeling seems to overtake most all of the Awareness.

The realization is formed that this twist as overwhelming as it is, is because to dim the light is against natural forces.

The light, in consiquence, grow smaller and smaller from lack of fule to keep it bright.

The only true need is one to release the light and move on, but the perverse sensation that is Its accompaniment is so expected, to have it missing makes The Light feel empty, unnatural and unwilling to stick it out.

There are kinks orrigating below the light which spread around it.

Encapsulated and alone, It believes It is as a light should be.

Wanting other awareness's to have joy because it is a comfort to see their lights radiating so warm, The Awareness holds back form fear of disrupting its only known comfort.

The Small Diverging Awareness knows what its light needs but has become frozen in panic and has forgotten, or rather never learned to react acceptable.

Very clumsily It will react to what it truly wants, but it does it in a manner that It sets itself up for the negative.

Because of its expectations of the other lights to want another, that is what occurs because It never allows itself to actually be seen.

Moving just right the light occasionally peeks through the cracks in the kinks caused by the distortion, but not enough to captivate and draw another near enough to want to hold the light and keep it.

There are a choice few that will lead It to the giving awareness, however, while it is important for this to occur, The Awareness is too shy to understand the actual importance of this.

The Awareness is scared that once the light is let go from within, It will not give off what It has been told that It holds within.

Never seeing It for The Lights' Self makes It believe not in that the light others see through the miniscule fissures can even exist at all.

If it was there to let go would be the greatest experience and would set The Awareness up for success, especially in the things It wishes upon others.

However, finalizing that there is no such light, or it is less than it should be is a worse scenario than staying in the current damned state.

Finally relenting and allowing to be pushed forward, The Gentle Awareness slowly becomes attentive to the damn that has been built and is in the mind of tearing it down.

The quality of light still terrifies It.

Having so many extra bright lights help on the path, for whatever reason, The Existance longs for that impact but knows not how to properly obtain it with the contortion still hovering about.

The Alone Dot wants to protect the other lights and help them, but there is only so much It can do when to be near them makes The Awareness realize how inadequate It really is.

The relations with these few is so vastly important that The Awareness does not wish to relinquish any hold on the awareness's for fear of losing its only connection with Its Own Self.

However, It still manages to quietly let them go into the proactive, more developed, sphere of light from another, while staying alone Itself rather than hinder them by being selfish.

Loosing its ability to truly strive to Its greatest capacity to keep those It holds to high esteem near.

This Incy Lost Beacon causes Itself pain on an almost regular basis.

The Awareness' hopes it will gain enough strength to eventually show enough light to have one of the many greater lights recognize it and care back as much as it cares for.

However It is growing so weak It is nolonger sure that when another light comes around will have the capasity to change its habits and only draw it near rather than also push it aside simultaneously, there in preventing another inevitable failure.

There is the incontestable hope that to open up and search out while changing habits are not in vain.