FINALY

So it has begun.


I have finally begun my story that has been waiting to be written. I have been called a Golem, and that is exactly what I am. And yes, enthralled by the external world I have acted in a way that was inappropriate, damaging and potentially fatal. However, I am a Child of Clay, the spawn of nature and divinity.

My trial has come from taking these things in counterbalance and not maintaining peace within myself. My divinity, my purpose and my respect were being overtaken by my natural self, the greed, the pride and mislead self preservation.

The start of my story has begun and Ivy Soliene-Takara can finally appear on a paper that is truly hers. She is no longer someone I wish I was, but someone I will grow with and succeed with.

Her challenges will be mine, and mine will be given unto her and together I will write out the diversity of change and there in my purpose will finally be achieved.

Superficial

LA

To go to meet a boy

To not eat even a small slice of pizza

Starvation till tomorrow is needed to feel good about the body

All for a boy

All for LA

All for an internally sickly body that looks great

To be so excited for all the wrong reasons

To exist for the sake of torturing one’s self for the acknowledgment's of another that has not ever been met

I shake my head and turn back to my English

I wait for someone to come

Who is not dependent on drugs

Who is not dependent on sex

Who is not dependent on appearances and the casualties that come with them?

I found this, it is from Adv. Creative writing class

~About Jan 2008~

He finished his story, it was an interesting ending. Something I wish he hasn’t experienced. There was a round of applause, conversation moves on. An image on the paper next to me, a friend captured the tranquility in his features quite well. He’s off in a zone lost in thought, lost in himself. He sees the two of us looking at him. I don’t think he knows why we are. Pulled into conversation he talks a bit and turns away to go back to alone. I cannot help but wonder, “What you would be doing if drugs were not around. Or if you gave them up. I know they have molded you. But I wonder if you had the choice and the purpose, would you abandon what you know? Is it possible to have the purpose anymore?”

My English is changing. Along with my soul. I write what I see in a different way than before. I finally accept my life and I am writing how it is with the colors added in, rather than writing of the colors and making them my own. He listens and watches, talking intermittently. But I wonder his thoughts, if there are any in his head. The story written is a great one, the story tells of a world I will never know. I just can’t help but feel remorse that he had to be thrown into it and know it as his own.

It is a great story for books; it is a great story to temporarily pretend is ones own. But to live it, not something I would want for my own life. But if no one lived like that, where would imagination have the potential to take us later? In the end people must go through that for one reason or another. However, I selfishly wish that I never have to meet those people and know that that pain is real and part of them. I selfishly wish to be sheltered and wish I had a wing to carry over them. Class is over and he walks out the door with the rest of them. I briefly wonder if he will make it back.

Life Stages of Faith PART ONE

It has been said that faith is something that must be constantly maintained, such as a testimony. This concept has led me to theorize about the levels or types of faith. From information I have received from humans of all sorts including religious authorities, observations and personal prayer I have decided and believe that faith has important developmental stages that I believe are necessary for a complete and wholesome belief through faith. Faith is something that changes, evolves and has maturity levels like much else. Maturity, problem solving, logic, and lifestyle are all things that humans develop and change. When searching about faith as a concept on the web, LDS.org says, “Faith is much more than passive belief. We express our faith through action—by the way we live.” If the way we live evolves and changes, than does not our faith also?

In the description of faith from the same source, it says that “‘desire to believe’ can lead us to ‘give place’ for the word to be ‘planted in heart’. Then we will feel that the word is good, for it will begin to enlarge our souls and enlighten our understanding. This will strengthen our faith. As we continually nurture the word in our hearts, ‘with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.’ (See Alma 32:26–43.)”

How does a tree start; as a seed falling from its creator of course. The seed is planted in a place where it can grow if given the opportunity and nurture. Humans are the same, it the parents are fertile and have created some earth for the child it will grow. If the child is strong enough to overcome any obstacles, be them large or small, through the pregnancy than it is born. Same if the seed is given enough care to sprout and grow into a tiny green sprout with a leaf or two and some little roots, but the seed itself is depleted. Working alone to digest, breath and learn the infant and sprout are vulnerable to persuasion, they eat what is given, they take what can be reached and they stretch and grow, absorbing everything they touch into themselves for they have not yet the ability to distinguish themselves from anything else around them, if something is not at that moment part of their life, they have no memory of it. If it is a need they have a yearning, but understand they do not.

It may seem that off topic is how I have traveled, but I deem that not the case. Faith being a seed, I reason that that has more moaning than the need to plant and establish it. To have a seed means that it has came from somewhere, hopefully somewhere with goodness and health, but somewhere nevertheless. It is impossible for the donor, or teacher of the concept faith to be anonymous, like a seed from a tree will be a tree, or the seed from a shrub a shrub. The teacher will, through explaining the exercise and model of faith direct the receiver in a direction to apply that theory. It is true that people do nothing but teach themselves, but to lean there must be something available in their consciousness or sub-consciousness to learn. Given only what they have accessible the individual starts developing their faith according to the knowledge they have. Now the people that are developing this faith are much too young to be aware that that is even what it is. It is as simple as ‘mom will come back’, or ’taking a nap will make you stronger and stay healthy’. ­It is not till logic, accompanying experiences, and the application there of are applied that faith moves on to the stage of sprout and infant.